So did you enjoy that one-night stand? Good. Now provided no one is pregnant and that you haven’t contracted some type of STD, you’re pretty much off the hook, right? I mean, both of you can just go on with your lives, no harm done and an enjoyable time had by all. Perhaps you’ll even do it again sometime—who knows?
Well, I hate to break this to you—though you’re probably realizing it on your own even now—but the human organism doesn’t really work this way. Indeed, the more we learn about the biochemistry involved in sexual intercourse, the more apparent it becomes that sex can never truly be casual, that the chemical bonds formed by copulation are incredibly strong and suffer trauma if broken.
Responsible for such bonds are oxytocin and vasopressin, two of the many chemicals released in the body during sex. Where the latter creates a desire in the male to stay with his mate, inspires protectiveness, and drives him to care for his territory and offspring, oxytocin—generated by both men and women during sexual climax—produces the pleasure sensation associated with intercourse and leads to intense emotional pair-bonding. So fierce is the chemical connection between sexual partners, in fact, that significant emotional, physical, and psychological distress can result from any attempt to sever this connection.
Research also shows that the human brain has both lust and love circuits. Attachment behavior—sex coupled with permanence, exclusivity, and devotion—triggers your love circuitry, which in turn promotes physical health, emotional wellbeing, and other positive psychological effects. Onetime sexual encounters, on the other hand, trigger only the lust circuitry. Plus, the absence of constancy and commitment in all such provisional relationships (not just spontaneous hookups) communicates a lack of regard for the partner that’s then internalized, eliciting in both participants depression, dissatisfaction, and the disruption of future bonding potential.
And this, of course, brings us back to you. That sinking feeling you experienced this morning as you tossed on your clothes and slipped awkwardly out of the room? Yeah, there was probably more to it than just the embarrassment of not being able to remember your partner’s name. Rather, your psyche was most likely trying to tell you to stay put—that what you did requires a commitment now beyond merely vowing to never engage in such behavior again.
Originally printed in Salvo issue 2.
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